seasons

the holidays are really hard for many people. i do not think i have ever met someone with a purely positive experience with these brutal winter months, even with all of the festivities and beauty that comes in them around this time of year.

my mom told me i showed her how to love. she wrote me this letter in january.

december, january, february. all really difficult.

there is good and bad in everything. even though i grew up knowing people suffered through these winters, and maybe i would one day become a part of that, today i am allowing these feelings to flow through my body. the rain cannot kill me and neither can the cold.

i recently have learned how to love the rain. whenever it used to be rainy, i would fold over myself and wish to never move. it made me so incredibly sad and low-energy. i know a lot of people feel this same way, which made it nicer for me to acknowledge.

it is all about perspective, and a little help is always good, too. take over the things you want to see. it starts with how you talk to yourself and the world around you. it may still be so hard to get through rainy days or winter months, in fact, i know it will because it still is for me and the only thing i have changed is the environment i am letting my mind live in. i try and make it just as delicate as she is. forgiving, open, loving. i can make my own home in myself. and then whatever happened in whatever unnerving or hurtful home i have ever been in does not seem to matter as much anymore.

all of this is not to say, "hey! cure your seasonal depression with these pretty little thoughts!" because that would be incredibly silly and would never work. it is such a complex thing for everyone and is always one of the most difficult things to harness. truly. it is so much more than words. but creating your own home within yourself will carry you through these processes much more gently. and that is so important.